Just as I was about to nap, my muse gave me a swift kick with an idea for a column. Actually, I already had one, and if I do say so myself, it was a doozy. Hence this piece on narcissism.
The original idea was a rant on a utility company, and let's face facts: almost all of us could contribute a colorful soundbite on that subject, but that's not going to happen. These folks have bazillions of our hard-earned dollars, they want many more, and they have a yacht-load of lawyers, so let's just talk about them behind their backs. That's what the local coffeeshop is for.
On the way to the computer, I passed the ever-dwindling windowsill at the top of the stairs. There is less of it, thanks to Sarah the pup, and since she tore off half of the curtain and all of the rod last Saturday, there is only a shade there now.
Back to the subject, though, which is actually something we are all guilty of at one time or another. And there are some who practice this trait pretty much all the time. To put narcissism in the simplest of terms, one could say it's about oneself.
For example, say that friends have taken a trip out of state and you find yourself waiting for a phone call from them. Did they arrive safely? Are they having fun? When are they coming back?
Alas, the phone never rings. Never. You stew and fume and talk about how inconsiderate these friends are; after all, their lack of phone courtesy is ruining your life. Ah, there it is. It really is about you and how their behavior is making you feel.
Were you really concerned with their safe arrival and whether they were having fun? Maybe at first, but as the days crawled by, anger and frustration replaced whatever worries you had and by the time your friends get home, you're ready to punch them in the head. That is, if you're still speaking to them.
It doesn't take a trip away from home to set off this attitude. Haven't you run into someone from Kewanee you haven't seen for months or even years? You live in the same small town and it takes a chance meeting at a store or, more likely, our Hog Days festival before you see one another. Each of you are thinking the same thing: why haven't they called me? Maybe you really are different, though. Maybe you are simply happy to see a friend you haven't laid eyes on in a long while.
There is another example of this behavior that happens all too frequently. I see it as two people who both suffer from the same affliction in different ways at the same time. Stay with me here.
We get busy beyond belief with our job, family, a health issue or two, and a sudden emergency. The days go by and we haven't contacted close friends or even some family members because time got away and though we thought about calling or stopping by, we just couldn't fit it in.
Everyone needed us at once, and the hours turned into days and those turned into weeks.
The neglected person has gone from worried to hurt to angry. You have run yourself ragged, and when it dawns that you've neglected a loved one, your first feeling is guilt. Then you rationalize that so-and-so should understand; after all, you're close friends. Now you've got a good excuse and a sound reason for your behavior, so you shove the person from your mind and carry on with multi-tasking and feeling like no one understands what a busy person you must be.
What a bunch of hooey. One is hurt because they've been ignored. The other is hurt because they're overworked and no one understands them. Each is focusing on how someone else is making them feel when they both should care less about themselves.
When we can get to the point where we put another's welfare above our own, and leave it there, we'll find it doesn't matter whether we get that phone call, visit or e-mail. The only thing that will matter is how well we treat others, not how well they treat us.
It's kind of neat how our puppy knows that it's best to make those around her feel loved and wanted, even if now and then she falls from grace and eats things she shouldn't. Even a dog knows it's not all about them, it's about unconditional love.
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