On second thought, please don't grow up

By Margi Washburn

I just saw a news story about a tiny Iraqi baby whose mother and uncle were killed a few weeks ago. The little girl was left outside in the garbage, and the temperature was over 110 degrees. She was being well taken care of by American medical personnel, along with our military men and women.

As I looked into her bright wide eyes, all I could think of was how thankful we all must be that she doesn't know about the tragedies that have surrounded her life so far. And I know it's too much to hope that she won't someday learn to hate those who deprived her of her loved ones.

A couple of days ago I read a comment in a newspaper that sent chills up my spine. Someone had called to leave their thoughts, and usually I don't pay much attention to those who make anonymous gripes, but this caught my eye. This parent was admitting that they were teaching their son to hate America, simply because of something that was happening at their job. Just like that, we have another child growing up hating because their parent taught them to do so.

It would seem that most folks aren't that blatant about teaching their children to hate. Instead, kids learn by observing the behavior and conversations inside their homes, or wherever they happen to have contact with the adults in their lives.

For instance, a friend shared that while they were chatting over coffee at a relative's house, his brother-in-law made an ethnic joke. It was doubly bad because it was two races in one joke, and everyone but my friend and his wife howled with laughter. The wife looked uncomfortable because it was her family that made the joke, something they've done for years, and she knew her husband was awfully close to losing his cool.

The men and women sitting around the table that day all had kids of their own, and one of the parents who had taught the adults there was also enjoying the joke. Worse, one of the children was sitting there too, a grandson learning from the adults that it's OK to laugh at someone just because their skin is dark. Good lesson, and if all goes as they plan, this little guy can pass it on to his friends and his own kids someday.

I know my friend needed to vent; he and his wife may not have what it takes to stand up to her family and tell them that enough is enough. I was thinking about it later though, and smacking myself for not telling him to tell his brother-in-law to grow up already. Then it hit me.
Why should he do that? The guy is grown; in fact, he's almost 50 years old.

I have no easy answers for this never-ending cycle of prejudice, but a part of me insists on seeing hope for each new life, that somehow this little boy or girl will learn at the knees of moms, dads, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents that hatred based on nothing more than skin color is simply not acceptable.

There are far worse problems today than a family sitting around a table and laughing at other races. I know that, yet it makes you wonder if that isn't how some criminals get started, by believing that they're better than some folks, so why shouldn't they be robbed, beaten or worse?

A week or so ago I saw two boys around eight or nine years old pushing each other around. They looked like brothers, and they were gearing up for a showdown. Both were holding sodas and when the taller of the two got close enough, he spit in the other's can. The younger returned the favor, then the cussing started. It seemed as natural to the both of them as breathing. My head was spinning with scenarios inside these boys' home.

It seems only fair to mention that kids don't learn every bad behavior from their family and friends. Let's give credit to television, movies, music and peer pressure too.

This struggle between right and wrong is an old, old one and one person can only do so much in their tiniest of corner of the world. But we should never give up trying, and that is why I saw the hope in that baby Iraqi girl's eyes. Maybe she'll be influenced by the people who see her for what she is, a miracle of life that came from an almost hopeless beginning.

And the next time my friend is sitting at the table when the jokes begin, he won't simply sit there and let it happen, and he won't ask them to grow up. I think he knows better than that now, and I wish him the best when he and his wife have the courage to take a stand. Let's hope they do it soon.