I try to freely admit when I don't understand what someone is going through. I've never lost a spouse, had cancer or any serious illness, have never been fired (though I've quit plenty of jobs). But I have lost a child, and another has been missing for going on eight years. I never knew my grandparents--any of them, and I've lost both parents, so I "get it" in those situations. And I've been bullied...in school, at different jobs and within our own family. So I get that, too. Will we ever put an end to it? Can we help those who seem to have nowhere to turn? And would folks please stop telling the victims of bullies to "just ignore them"?
I’ve always enjoyed the columns written by Sarah Reeves but there are some that speak to my heart and are almost impossible to forget. Not that I’d want to, especially those written about bullying.
That word has been in the news a lot lately, and for good reason. Most of us have heard the tragic stories of lives ended too soon, because of kids who “went just a little too far”, etc.
Sarah is a wise young woman, and she is someone I could have used as a friend in school, especially in junior and senior high. She may not ever realize how many people she has helped already, or how many of her columns are being passed around, mailed and hung up on refrigerators.
Bullies don’t just exercise their special talents in schools. They’re everywhere—in traffic, workplaces, and even in families. Who hasn’t been made to feel unwanted and less than perfect among their own relatives? It’s not just school birthday parties where certain ones aren’t invited; it happens in families too.
Scars left by being rejected are impossible to see with the naked eye. And those who never suffer that kind of treatment just don’t get it. You’ll often hear them say things like, “Act like it doesn’t bother you; I mean, really, why should it? It’s their loss.” Easier said than done.
Thing is, though it’s taken far too many years, they’re right. It shouldn’t bother us, at least not for years like it did me, but there is a reason that it does. It’s because at one time there was love between those who now don’t associate with one another. If there were no friendly, loving feelings then there wouldn’t be pain now. It truly would not matter, would it?
Bullies want things their own way—always. And they want others to follow their lead and punish certain people they feel are inferior or who have done something unforgiveable.
Some who have been on the wrong end of the bully stick have struck back, and sometimes the bully backs down. It happens, but I’m guessing that’s a painful experience in more ways than one. I’m too chicken to try that; in fact, when someone says something unkind to me I often don’t think of a darn good comeback until hours or days later.
A long, long time ago someone I knew thought it would be great fun to share poetry with each other and thousands of others. I hadn’t written many poems but they were surprisingly fun and easy and we had the best time. After about a year or so, something went awry and I neglected to respond in a timely manner to a new poem and that was the end of a beautiful friendship. Of course that’s not what really permanently damaged the relationship, though that was the initial excuse given.
Sillier things than that happen in all walks of life, and it would be much less traumatic for everyone if those involved simply ended things without a lot of drama, allowing people to go on with their lives with dignity and acceptance.
Instead, we find ourselves being punished repeatedly until we do something drastic to stop the pain, or we cut off all ties and never communicate again.
Sarah has written with wisdom, truth and heart. I heard what she said; I hope you did too. And if you have a friend like her in your life, consider yourself blessed.
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