Wondering about things on an early Tuesday morning

Fog today, and the chill goes to the bone even though it's in the mid-30s. At 6 in the morning, though, that's not bad in mid-March.

I was thinking about family birthdays (our youngest will turn 32 this month), and I realized that it doesn't seem all that long ago when I was his age.

And that brought up another memory - that was about how old I was when I saw my dad for the first and last time.

We'd taken our oldest on his second birthday to see his grandpa. Clint was a happy two-year-old, checking out everything in dad's house, having a blast being in a place that was new and exciting. Hubby and dad had a beer or two together and chatted for quite a while. I, on the other hand, wasted the entire time sniffling on the couch - I couldn't seem to stop the tears. I'm kind of mushy that way.

It had been hubby's idea. He wanted me to see my dad, and I really believe it's because he had a normal childhood (and by normal I mean having a mom, dad and siblings who all got along - at least most of the time).

He knew that mom, sis and I had struggled over the years just to eat and stay warm and he didn't want me to hold that against anyone, least of all one of my parents.

He was right.

When parents divorce, and the one you end up with does nothing but speak badly about the other, it's too easy to build up bitterness, mistrust and anger toward the absent parent. I wish mom hadn't done that, and it didn't help that her siblings jumped at every opportunity to do the same. Who knows what kind of relationship I missed out on simply because grudges were born and held for decades?

Anyway, I eventually did find out when my dad passed away (though I didn't get that information until nearly a year afterward), but I forgot when he was born. I'll have to go back to the obituary to find out.

And the reason I want to know? I think it's important to send up a prayer of thanks because without both dad and mom, I wouldn't be here and although my childhood was too often a nightmare, I survived and I love my life and most of the people in it.